Where are you Auntie?

It's been about 5 weeks since we lost our pumpkin! In about 2 weeks we would have been able to find out if it would have been a girl or boy. I am trying not to dwell but it is so hard not too some days. I am still waiting for my first flo since the m/c. It is so frustrating waiting. Everything is about waiting. I have not been for my bloodwork yet and will go on MONDAY for sure. ANd then have to wait up to six months for the results.

I don't think I am preggers now. Weeeellllll....maybe a little. I have been testing everyday, don't tell. HAHAHA. Sometimes I get twinges in my boobs and sometimes I feel tired but that could be anything. Sometimes I hope so hard and other times I just keep thinking it is not meant to be. It is weird, I hae always imagined having a baby. But never kids...does that make sense? I cannot see me with a 2 or 4 year old! Why? This scares me too.
Do I really want to go through this? Pregnancy, birth, raising a child in a world that seems to be falling apart? There was a huge masacare at a college in Virgina. A lone gunman killed 32 people and then himself. I feel lucky to be in Canada but there was a shooting in Montreal in the last year or so. As well the world is heating up and global warming is scary! It was warm in Jan and Feb but freezing in April! Crazy! It is just starting to be nice out.

I still have not talked again with C and am starting to feel the need to call her and make amends. But I think it is her turn. I am still so hurt. As well poor hubby is going through this with his one and only real friend. The stupid guy calls and cancels on him every f-ing time they make plans. It hurts Charles but what can he do?

Life is full of surprises and disapoinments. Pick yourself up, wipe yourself off and get back on the horse. Starting over...never easy but should be pro by now.
God Bless