8 Weeks

It has been 8 weeks since the last m/c. Still no AF and feel very discouraged. Going to see Dr S tomorrow to see what he says. Still waiting for DR H to call with b/w results. Usually no news is good news.

Last Monday I got a message from C. She said to call her, so I did, twice, left a message once and still haven't heard from her. I will try again Wednesday. I think I am ready to talk to her about how I have been feeling about out realtionship and lack there of.

I have been looking to God for some guidance and solace in our losses and look to Him for guidance on our road to conception and live birth. I have been reading the blog of Elle, who founded TWOWEEKWAIT.com and experienced 2 m/c and had endo. She finally gave birth to a precious son, in NOV 2006. It took her over a year to get pregnant. I feel blessed to be so fertile, finally, but really just am waiting to stay pregnant! I can't wait to try again. I am not afraid to lose again. Does that make sense? I guess I am used to it. I just pray for the strength to stay "mum" about it but already tell people at work when I am testing and what not. Will it be better to go into the next pregnancy with caution and being afraid again? Or will we discuss baby names and pick genders and what not. The only thing I do not want people to say is "penis power" which is something my bro and husband say. I just want to stay pregnant and give birth. I don't care if it is a boy or girl. I don't have the luxury of being picky. Just healthy. At least one, two if you must!

So as I head to bed, I will pray for support, and guidance and know that God will carry me when it is needed.