Long Weekend

I want this weekend to be over with. Cuz Hopefully by tomorrow the AF will show, assuming I ovulated on day 14, like I thought I did. And if it doesn't, well, it just means another 4 days of waiting for the bitch and going crazy, thinking, I may be pregnant and knowing that once again I am not.

My last entry touched on some tough subjects. One being IVF and the other abortion. As for IVF, well I don't have any moral obections to it, just don't have the money for it. Wish I did. As for abortion, well, I always have mixed feelings. I am glad that it is legal and that women, girls don't have to get "back ally" abortions. But I get angry that for some it is the only form of birth control they use. Even the girl I speak about, never on the pill, but often used the "morning after pill". I just don't get it. I am lucky, I never have been in a situation where I had to make that choice. But I may some day. What if my "successful" pregnancy produces a child that would be born with severe handicaps or will die shortly after birth? At this point, maybe it's selfish, but maybe it's right, I would carry out my pregnancy, for the chance to hold, for one moment, that unhealthy child, and to love him or her. I will let God decide when that child will leave this earth.

Whew-so much deep thoughst lately. I guess, I am still just frustrated. I want my answer now. I want to know I am pregnant. And if I am not, then I will call the Dr and talk about IUI's. And clomid. Or the pill or whatever. I really am losing hope. I hate this.