It's February and I am NOT Pregnant

It's strange. It's February, my birthday is in less than a week and for the first time in 4 Febraury's I am not pregnant. Weird. I am sad.

I feel as if I am having a big ole bout of depression. I am guessing it's becuase I am not pregnant. Which is Ironic. I had actually half hoped to not be pregnant. I just did not want to go through that rollar coaster this month. I wanted to drink on my birthday and have a good time. I wanted to hit March 15th and just celebrate my Mom's birthday without Sadness. But I will be sad. I can feel that the 15th will be a day to remember and reflect. I am hoping that it will be a day of forgiveness and moving forward. I want to move forward and enjoy the TTC journey again.

Each month that I am not pregnant, I get excited and get a "feeling" that THIS will be our month. I don't feel it all this month. I have no desire to try. Yes I did order 60 LH tests and 40 HCG tests, but if I use them well, it'll be a waste, I am sure. There are some things just to private to say on here but I just know it won't be this month.