What IF?

What if it doesn't happen this cycle? I know it is a little much to ack that it does happen this cycle but if it doesn't, then what? Yes. yes, we keep trying; but for how long? I guess until it makes me crazy again, until I cannot seperate from it to get to my tasks at hand.

I think I am nervous too. I feel really optimistic and hopefully but there is that voice of doubt at the back of my mind, that 1. it'll never happen and 2. if it does, well, it could be a very unhappy new year (meaning miscarriage or something).

Well, I set myself up for this journey and am prepared to make it.