SSSHHHHHHH!

SHHHHHH! We're trying again.

I can't believe how crazy I am! I started writing a post last week that I was contemplating it. I wasn't sure what to do. I wondered about school and the cost etc. However, it is true that I am not getting younger and having had trouble so far, I think that it'll take a while so we'll just have to see.

I am supposed to start my BCP's on a Sunday. So on the Sunday I "secretly" threw it out. I hadn't discussed my plan with hubby yet. Then I wrote a post on Baby center and asked around. The responses were basically to wait. So I wavered and got up the next day and took the pill. And the next day. Then someone answered my post and said GO FOR IT! And then another and another. So on Wednesday I didn't take my pill and decided that I would start TTC that very night. However, i hadn't even told my hubby! But I couldn't keep the secret! I caved in and told him. You would have thought it was Christmas morning! He was so happy. That made me happy.

So we start the challenge that very night. And throughout the weekend. It was very nice, as when I am on the pill, well, we just don't get around to it! Anyways, on Sunday I started spotting, only when wiping (TMI) and I wasn't too concerned. Then the spotting continued until Wednesday and I think it may have been a light period. So now I don't know where I am in my cycle. I was supposed to ovulate around Tuesday and I am HOPING that it was ovulation spotting. So then I started to temp. BUT come ON Heather. No getting crazy over all this. Just try.

On another note, which scares me a a bit, is I cried on Tuesday. Blown out of proportion situation and I freaked out, sobbing and screaming and so upset!!! I won't go into why but here's why I am scared. I haven't cried like that in over 3 months, since I started the pill. I made it through my depression months and no tears, no freak outs, a little anxiety, but I handled it all well and COPED! I was so proud! And then the first of December and I am a mess. So I had to stop and ask. Is it because I came off the pill? Please no. Was it because it was a "full moon" and I was on my "period'? i told Charles that if this happens at my next period, then that's it. No trying for a while. I liked Happy Heather. I am proud of Happy Heather. She has so much going for her!

So I have 6 classes left for this semester and then the exams start! OH MY! I am so excited to finish this semester and start the next!!

I am excited for Christmas this year. My Mother is coming home, we are getting a new nephew any day, my aunt, uncle and cousin(s) are coming after Christmas! I don't have to work Christmas day but I do have to work boxing day and the day my aunt and uncle arrives! I am cooking a Christmas Bunch and probably a turkey and Ham! So excited!

Overall life is awesome. Such a big change from a year ago! I have learned so much. I have achieved so much!

Happy Holidays! May God Bless US, Everyone!

ps...hoping to give a BFP update soon!