The Most Depressing Day of the Year!

Today is Blue Monday! The most depressing day of the year. It is the middle of January and most people are getting those wonderful credit card bills from Christmas! Not us! YAY!

I am happy to report that I am not depressed! This is exciting. It is such a good feeling to be happy. To give real smiles, that make me feel good. I don't have to paste on a smile just because, and I like that!

It is true that positive thinking can really make all the difference. As I read other ladies bulletin board posts on fertility and pregnancy sites about their desperation or sadness or dispare, I am almost always feel the negativity resonating in their posts. I want to write "Cheer UP!" I mean I have been there. I am sure people have told me to think positive, just wait and all that other crap! But guess what? It's true. I do feel better when I think positively. Here is an example. I have been applying for jobs for Co-op. The application process usually includes a copy of your transcript. Mine contains a lovely F! In math...you know because I am an accounting major. In the past I would have felt "Why bother? I won't get picked or hired." But today I feel like, "which job offer will I accept, as I know there will be plenty?" It feels great!

So school is going really well, this being the second week. I should be reading for my overwhelming politics class but instead have been reading posts all day and contemplating life. I re-read my previous post. I don't hear sarcasim but irony! I read that life has sucked but is way better. I was weak but now I am strong. But I can still be scared, right? I can be both strong yet scared? Maybe it's more of a nervousness.

I remember last year, around this time, thinking how a pregnancy would result in the same EDD as my first BFP. And I remember being terrified and upset and so down. This year, a pregnancy this month will result in the same EDD again. It has to make me wonder, having just finished an extremely long cycle, that there isn't some meaning to this. I feel like this time of year is my only time I can get pregnant. Weird but 3 outta 4 times....makes you think.
I remember last year wanting to not try for these reasons but of course trying anyways and then feeling the disappointment as Auntie showed up.
My resolution is to not get so worked up about all this. My hope is to conceive, when it's time. It may be this month, or it may be in 4 years.
My fertility friend VIP membership is almost up and I need to think about renewing or just having basic (which is good enough). But I am thinking that I need to leave it all together. I really need to put it out of my mind. Focus on school and succeeding at that first and foremost. If I fall pregnant, that will be the bonus.

So same dilemma different month. Sigh....