Oct 15-Remembering

October and I haven't got along since I was 14-15 years. Some years it started in September and started to let up in October, but these past few years, well, Ocotober has not been good. My SAD acts up and add to the fact that I have 3 due dates around this time, well, it makes it hard. So far I have only had 2 minor crying jags, and managed not to quit my job! (I never have but have tried too, 4 years in a row!)

Today is Miscarriage Rememberance day. For me, every day is a rememberance day.

Everyday is a reminder of what I don't have. BUT everday is a reminder that I can get pregnant and that I will again. Everyday is filled with thoughts and worries and excitement. I am excited to try again and get 2 REAL pink lines. I am excited to make it 9 months and hold a precious child in my arms.

I am going to try and take a break this month. I will find away to block Babycenter, TWW and some other sites ( I mean I love them but I cannot control my addiction, as usual). Of course, I can still follow my favourite blogs and help obsess over their trials, but as for me, I need a break.

I don't need to look at an ovulation calculator everyday. It will happen when it happens. I don't need to see what symptoms are normal, or possible. I have had them all and know what to expect. I want to be excited. I want to wake up on day 31 or 32 and go "OMG-My period is late!" and get excited. And then I want to wait. Another 2 days and then get a digital test and see the words PREGNANT! I know it'll happen. SO I guess I also have to ban myself from the dollarama and have DH check all grocery reciepts. GEEZ-Maybe I just need to up my dose. LOL

So I will try this month to do something else with my computer time. I've been on the bike once and tomorrow, I will ride again!!

See you in a month!