WRONG

How were they WRONG? How did I get a positive and not be pregnant. I know it wasn't even a chemical pregnancy.

My BETA hCG was negative. HMMMM-makes me wonder what test they did?

Oh well-technically I am still in for this month. I may have ovulated on Sunday-ish-hence the positve OPK (and those damn HPT's that maybe weren't HPT's?)

I still have a few symptoms, but I think I have symptoms every day! Maybe when I don't have symptoms is when I will actually be pregnant.

I am getting frustrated. This just consumes me. It is all I think about. I hate it. I just want to be done and over with, one way or another.

Everywhere I go there are females pregnant or with newborns, or even with toddlers and pregnant. It is so not fair. I think I get most upset with the young mothers, the unmarried mothers who have babies by each boyfriend. What makes them deserve a child more than me? Is it becuase I'm fat? HAHAHAHA. No Really, is it?

My favorite is a local girl who has twins that are about 1.5-2years old. And guess what-SHE'S PREGNANT! oh yeah WITH TWINS. Oh yeah and she's not even 20! Nice.

Maybe that's why. Maybe becuase I am envious? But really I have tried so hard to be happy for everyone who is pregnant or has a baby. But it sucks. Like I've said before, my friends will be grandmas before I am a mother.

I think about putting it off a few years. Maybe go back to school or change careers. But a few years is 33 or 34 or 35. Not that this is too old but I am already having problems. They started when I was 28.

I guess I am just having a pity party. There are such worse things in life and in this world. Maybe I should focus on global warming instead.